Inve$ting in Vain

Investing in Vain

William Worsley

 

published by

Distinction Press

Waitsfield, Vermont 05673

 

distinctionpress.com

 

ISBN 978-1-937667-17-7 trade paper  $16.95

ISBN 978-1-937667-18-4 ebook $6.99

ISBN 978-1-937667-19-1 hardcover

$25.95

 

Available at your local bookstores and online everywhere.

It's a world of hypocrisy! What a farce!

In a world of morality-based investing,
no one is safe.

 

What happens when morality-based investing is practiced in a corrupt world teeming with politically correct hypocrites and charlatans? The result is a farce. Investing in Vain takes a satirical romp through investment management from the point of view of those in it as they careen from one moral hazard to the next, trying to make sense of it all.

 

What if the founders of a hugely successful investment firm are running a complete fraud based on an absurd investment strategy? And what do they do to their former employees who discover the dark secret that could destroy their firm? Bruce Benson finds out the hard way as he is forced to flee for his life.

 

Meanwhile, Beatrice von Vain is desperate to save her investment firm, Vain Capital, in spite of the weird demands of potential investors. Salvation seems to come in the form of shady Russian money and a request from the California state employee pension for an investment fund run entirely by gays. But where do you invest the illegal Russian money and where do you find enough gay money managers in time to help re-elect California’s progressive governor?

 

It’s a madcap race through the dubious and contradictory world of investing with a conscience, taking the reader on a wide range of adventures – to a university protest, through gay hangouts, on a car chase, to a global summit meeting – as the author skewers the morally arrogant notion of political correctness.

 

 

 

 

 

A Look Inside:

 

1 From Mush-Mush to Hush-Hush

 

The time appointed for the execution of Beatrice Pillsbury von Vain was at hand. For the red-headed founder of Vain Capital, just having to look at Mush-Mush was punishment enough.

“Beatrice, our investment committee has become increasingly worried about Vain Capital’s performance,” said the man with hardly any teeth. “That’s what I’ve come to Washington to discuss.”

Mush-Mush, a.k.a. Eddie Merrybaker, the balding treasurer of Christians Eschewing Dentistry, was both a hideous sight and Beatrice’s unhappy client. His six teeth, a stained and rotted mess, were especially unhappy. They included a couple of incisors on top with a vast gap between them, then the same on the bottom, and the sad ruins of two molars scattered here and there.

Beatrice looked down at her shoes, at the snake plant in the corner, at the coffee pot on the credenza, at anything else in the conference room she could, but against her will, as if by some magnetism of horror, her eyes were drawn right back to Merrybaker’s miserable mouth. It was like trying to look away from a car crash.

“I’m afraid the committee has run out of patience,” said the toothless treasurer, “as Vain Capital’s returns have continued to deteriorate.”

Here it comes, Beatrice groaned under her breath: Another ungrateful client blaming us for humoring them too well. Beatrice could feel her body tense up as she awaited the blow.

The treasurer looked at his watch. With any luck, he might make it back to Boston in time to catch the Celtics game. He let out an audible sigh and administered the coup de grâce: “The Eschewer Foundation has reluctantly decided to terminate its investment agreement with Vain Capital in thirty days.”

Beatrice was officially fired. Or rather, her little investment firm was, which felt just as awful.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Stanton Butcher III glaring at her, probing with his eyes for her reaction, expecting her to say something this instant to pull the Eschewer account out of the fire. She considered the Butcher even more frightful than Merrybaker in his own way, and far more dangerous. His short, pear-shaped body was topped by a nest of thin blond hair, a round face with a double chin, and beady green eyes that pierced their target like a laser. Lately the veteran manager of private equity funds had developed the irritating habit of exercising his right as her financial partner to drop in uninvited at her client meetings, which he invariably did just as Vain Capital was getting sacked.

 

Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Drop Drop us a line if you dare.  You might end up in the next novel.

Copyright © 2017 - William Worsley

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Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont
Inve$ting in Vain
Investing in Vain published by Distinction Press Waitsfield Vermont